Confessions of a Ladder Rider
John Bradley |
I'm riding my ladder down the street, one of those fast lightweight folding ladders, standing on it a few steps from the bottom, wearing my white riding helmet. She's crossing the street, her blouse aswirl with STOP and YIELD and RAILROAD CROSSING signs. When she sees me coming at her, she freezes. In order to avoid hitting her, I swerve to the left, assuming she'll continue across the street. But she doesn't. The ladder catches her with the center of the wooden X right on her chin, and she flops down on her back like a sack of wilted celery. I let out, just for a second, a nervous laugh. I knew she wasn't hurt, and the sight of her going down like that tickled me, the way silent film turns fall into farce. I immediately try to apologize, but my muffled giggling only makes things worse. There had been a rash of hit and run ladder riders knocking down pedestrians, and she must have thought I was one of them. I would have felt the same way if I were her. I rip off my helmet; she faints. Did she see the mark of the folding ladder on my forehead? Had she eaten celery for lunch? Why wasn't she wearing her pedestrian body armor? O, Buster Keaton, why did you ever have to invent the motorized ladder? I fasten my helmet strap, climb back aboard my vehicle, and fade into the flow of traffic, just another outlaw ladder rider.
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